Go-Lightly should be named Go-Quickly or Go-Rapidly. Go-Volcanic Eruptionly. He who decided upon this name was not very honest or never experienced this. it was kind of like the feeling like I had when my body "became" not my own when I housed two aliens during my pregnancy. When you drink this vile drink of nasty sea water within a short period of time your body, indeed, is not your own. You DO need to settle yourself IN, so to speak, no, ON, to that one seat where you have easy access to your cell phone, your writing and or reading material, and maybe some pleasant room deoderizor. Incense would work. Forget about tv and movies. All you'll see is food or people eating lots of food. You don’t need to worry about spending time in any other room in the house. The last place you are grateful for is your bed and that is because you are so exhausted, weak, and hungry. You've reached the half way mark of what you’re supposed to have consumed out of that very large plastic jug. You do want to go to bed as early as possible so you can get up at the crack of dawn to begin and finish what your are required to drink in time to get to the hospital.

At the hospital for the second procedure- the barium, I’m lying on the table with an open -in -the- back -hospital gown and the doctor comes in and tells me he wants me to turn over on my side away from him. Oh, so you mean like as in my backside is completely exposed. As in my backside is in your face? I am butt faced or you are . I am sorry. I can think of no other way to say this and I am trying to have a sense of humor about this, as he proceeds to tell me what he will do next- insert this, inflate that, pictures, lots of pictures. You’re going to feel this and feel that………and at one point they twist you, turn you, tip the table upwards to where if you don’t know there's
a ledge or they dont tell you to straighten your legs, you’d think your next stop was the floor. You have to get off the table once you are "deflated," visit the commode and then get back on the table for some final pictures. It's your final bow, so to speak. You don’t mind at this point, just as long as you leave with some dignity.

I am quite certain there a lot worse tests than these, however, I can now say I have joined the ranks of those who have gone before me. I appreciated the kindness of the technicians and thanked them as I was leaving. And I am grateful to have not only a job, but health insurance which allowed me to have this test without robbing me of one entire paycheck. My tests came back fine for which I am also blessed.

I leave with a few translations from the Tao which I found quite suitable for this discussion - all in good humor.

Practice not doing. Everything falls into place. There is a time to be in motion and a time to be arrested. A time to be vigorous and a time to be exhausted. Empty your mind of all things. Let your heart be at peace.

My children, having graduated in May will be off to college in less than two weeks. Rooms will be empty. We are forever moving, changing, growing. And my hair is more silver. It is the way of life.

1 comment:

  1. Hysterical description of your colonoscopy, Joanna! Been there, done that.
    I love the way you resolved it all with the reminder to "empty" whatever. Thanks for sharing, and keep writing!